Icy Cross Riding, Nostalgia, & Remorse

I went for a cross ride in the Fells today with the hardcore regulars from the Tuesday rides. It was surprisingly icy, but so much fun! Clara & Patrick had studded ice tires and were frequently encouraged to ride through the ice so that the rest of us could hear the crunching sound. :-)

Unfortunately, my brakes weren't working very well and after we started hitting some of the singletrack, my hands were hurting to the point where I just couldn't pull the levers anymore. I guess I never really realized how much easier it is to brake on a mountain bike than a cross bike. Unfortunately I had to walk some stuff I would have much rather ridden, but since I really didn't want to end up with stitches or in a cast, it was probably the right choice. Going down steep rocky downhills in your drops (because it's the only way you can brake) is actually pretty scary!

We stopped at a clearing on a hill where there was a 3-4 story tower with a spiral staircase. We all walked up to the top to look at the view. You could see the city skyline from up there. It was beautiful. Here are some photos of our little group at the top of the tower.

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After that, I started to recognize some of the trails from when G & I first started riding mountain bikes way, way, back in 1995 or something. It was an interesting experience. I remembered the trails from when I was first experimenting with riding off road. I also remember spending most of the time pushing my bike instead of riding it.

It's nice to see how far I've come. On a cross bike I was able to ride many of the trails that I used to have to walk on a mountain bike. I sort of see it as a metaphor for personal growth. I've come a long way since that time in my life. I've grown in a lot of ways, but I've also made a lot of mistakes. Being back in the Fells on those familiar trails made me feel sad for the good times that have passed. I was getting very misty with feelings of nostalgia during the ride, which pulled me away from my friends and into introspective reflection.

I cherish the memories of the life I used to lead. Those memories are all a part of what makes me who I am today. Making mistakes, learning from them, and moving forward while embracing that knowledge is what defines us as human beings.

People make mistakes all the time. They hurt people they love and betray their trust. I think it is vital for people to take responsibility for their actions. Nothing just "happens" by accident. People's actions or inactions cause things to happen. It's easy enough to apologize and say you're sorry. But it takes more than that to earn back trust. Oftentimes it needs explanations and answers, and at all times it requires the truth.

It also requires the ability to say that you will never make those mistakes again and that you will stop doing the thing/things that is/are hurting someone else. But beyond saying those things, it requires doing those things. Feelings of remorse only hurt yourself unless you can turn them into a positive change for someone else.

These are lessons I take to heart, because I need to learn from them as much as anyone else does. I can't expect anything of other people that I don't embody myself. I strive to be the person I aspire to, and I hope that each step that I take is getting me to that goal.